The Art of Realistic Resolutions: Making Mindful Intentions That Stick
The start of a new year often brings a wave of resolutions. Whether you’re thriving two weeks into your low-alcohol, more-exercise, no-sugar goals, or feeling disappointed about slipping up already, the cycle of resolutions can be both empowering and disheartening.
Resolutions can be great ways to help set intentions and break down goals into actionable steps. But they can also lead to a cycle of shame, making you feel stuck, lazy, or like a failure if you don’t meet your goals.
Shame is not a productive motivator. Focus on internal values and desires instead!
When it comes to New Year’s resolutions, many of us set goals based on external pressures—like “I should lose weight” or “I should stop smoking.” However, these resolutions often lack the personal resolve and intrinsic motivation needed to make lasting change. True success in achieving goals comes when they are rooted in our internal values and desires. By focusing on what genuinely matters to us, we are more likely to stay committed and see meaningful results.
Rethinking Discipline
Discipline is often misunderstood as punishment or deprivation, but in reality, it’s about channeling your energy toward a vision that enhances your life. It’s a purposeful, directed effort. Take writing this article, for example: staying focused requires discipline—resisting distractions like the chocolate in the fridge, my phone in the other room, or the endless points on my to-do list. But I’m driven by my goal to share insights that could help others, and that’s where my focus is. As the somewhat dorky adage goes, “Where attention goes, energy flows.”
When challenges arise, remember that difficulty often signals the formation of new neural pathways. Embracing these challenges can build confidence and self-awareness, but balance is essential. True growth happens when it’s paired with moments of safety and comfort, allowing you to stretch without breaking.
Focus on Feelings, Not Just Actions
Instead of fixating on what you want to do, try focusing on how you want to feel. Make sure your reasons for pursuing a goal are truly rooted in improving your quality of life—not in self-criticism or deprivation.
Ask yourself:
Why do I want to achieve this? (For example, losing weight might be about spending more time in nature or running around with your kids.)
What life experiences am I missing out on?
What does good health look and feel like for me, and how are things like smoking standing in my way?
This shift helps align your intentions with your deeper values, creating a more sustainable and fulfilling path forward.
Crafting Realistic Resolutions
When setting resolutions, it’s important to start big. Begin by reflecting on the feelings and priorities you truly want to experience in your life. What would you regret not pursuing or achieving?
Once you’ve envisioned your goal, work backwards. Identify the barriers—whether it’s time, money, or skills—and break them down into manageable steps. This way, you can move forward with clarity and purpose, tackling obstacles one at a time.
Here’s an example of how that might look in practice:
Resolution: Complete a Multi-Day Hike
What you’ll need to complete this:
Purpose: Why do I want to do this?
Perhaps it’s about connecting with nature, challenging myself, or creating lasting memories with friends or family.Information: Where is the hike? What’s required? What’s my current fitness level?
Research the specific trail, its difficulty, what’s needed in terms of gear, and evaluate your current fitness to determine where you stand.Resources: What will I need?
Consider equipment (e.g., hiking boots, tent), fitness training (e.g., strength, endurance), funds (for gear, travel), time, and mental space for preparation and reflection.
Break It Down:
Research: Dedicate one distraction-free hour each week to planning the hike—look up trail details, permits, weather conditions, and gear reviews.
Fitness: Start with 10 minutes of hill practice daily, gradually increasing the intensity and adding weight to your backpack as you build stamina.
Finances: Calculate the total cost—gear, travel, permits—and break it down into manageable chunks. Set aside a realistic amount each payday based on your timeline.
Logistics: Book time off from work, arrange childcare or pet care if necessary, and schedule your travel.
Breaking down big goals into manageable steps not only makes them achievable, but also makes the process feel empowering. By tackling each part systematically, you’re more likely to stay motivated and on track!
Tips for Realistic Goals
Under-Commit: Consistency beats over-ambition. For example, instead of aiming to meditate for an hour daily, commit to five minutes every day. This ensures success even on tough days and leaves room for exceeding expectations. If you smash it, you can always extend your practice goal when it starts to slot into your life more easily.
Focus on forming positive habits: It takes about 21 days to form a new habit, or begin to undo an old one. Start small, repeat consistently, and gradually increase your commitment. Make sure you give yourself a realistic timeframe and then check back in.
The Sweet Spot for Success
Goals should be challenging enough to keep you engaged, but manageable enough to maintain consistently. By setting realistic intentions and embracing incremental progress, you’re more likely to create lasting, meaningful change and not enter the cycle of over-ambition and self-shaming.
This year, approach your resolutions with mindfulness, self-compassion, and a focus on the bigger picture. You’ll not only achieve your goals but also build a stronger connection with yourself, and create a life that feels authentic and meaningful!